Ninety Three Words: Behind/ Reflections

I'm about seven blog posts behind where I want to be, and I don't think I'm going to be able to catch up until I get back to New Zealand and things slow right down again.

Over two months in and less to go, I can't say I'm relishing the thought of leaving, especially as there's so much I would like to do here I just know isn't realistic or plausible. Once again in my life I find myself torn between doing and wanting to chronicle the actions of the doing.

However, studying abroad's given me a bit of a fresh perspective on this one:

I think I'm constantly torn between the moment and reflecting on the moment simply because of my innate creativity. The fact is both things bring me great joy: there's a beauty in being part of an incredible moment, in feeling intense emotion, but consequently if you even have a spark of creativity, there's beauty in re-creating that moment through your art. Through exaggerating it, turning it into something new or simply from learning from it and moving on - its an incredible gift. For me there is no subject I know both as much and as little about as myself, and to rephrase the things I feel through music really is the most incredible gift to have been given. Not that everything I write is autobiographical - in fact often I stray away from this - it's just for me the best things I ever written peel back a layer on my soul and show something which doesn't often come to light as much as it should. I've always held by the statement that if you really want to know me, don't try reading me, try reading my words.

At the same time, this process is at times incredibly self-indulgent and stressful, spending so much time away from the real world reflecting can really do your head in. More and more I find myself refreshed from simply soaking it all in. I think that's what drew me to surfing so much: out there on the ocean all your attention is focused on the next wave, and the next wave only. Over the other side of the world I'm also slowly (as Italians say "Piano, piano") learning to live life one breath at a time. I photograph a lot, but more often than not I'm more content to put my camera down and just see. I write little because I'm suddenly more involved in the doing. I play music less because between studying Italian, teaching English and travelling I'm really interested in getting out from behind the shield my guitar often is and really getting to know the people I share this side of the world with. I read the Bible less than I'd like, but I see God a lot more in the world around me, in the cathedrals and the spires and the lakes and the forests.

In conclusion, I think I'm coming to peace with the fact that I need both states of being. I need to live the moment, reflect on it to get out of the heady, privileged rush that studying abroad can give you, and then come back out of my creative daydreams refreshed to repeat the whole cycle again. I need to reflect and create and sing and play and dream, but I also need to realise what's right in front of my eyes and appreciate it for what it is.

Here's some pictures from my recent adventures: